i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
