Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
