well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
