my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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