she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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