conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
His hands were made for my vagina.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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