The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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