cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
