Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
this beer tastes like vomit already
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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