I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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