Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
