Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
