Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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