I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
