perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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