If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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