the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
