i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
