He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I did not marry a roomba.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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