2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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