My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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