I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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