you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
