hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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