I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
