Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
