I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm too high and old for this...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
