i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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