ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Omg I joined a choir last night...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
