I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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