Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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