Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
