He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
