Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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