The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
