Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
