he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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