He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
