Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
