Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
