the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
