I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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