I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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