the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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