Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
