we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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