i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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