Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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