I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
