Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
