would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
